It’s More Than a Name

“I can’t wait until I get married,” I emphatically say while barely squeezing out a legible scribble.

This has become a running joke (just between me and myself) every time I have to sign for anything. My last name is long. 10 letters. Pair that with a first name that’s 9, and you’ve got yourself a headache.

My name has always been a source of pain, not only because of its similarities to “shoe maker,” (which led to a lot of “ha ha, do you make shoes?” jokes as a child), but because of its sheer length. Over the years, I’ve taken a real medical approach to my signature, which is to say…my signature is basically one giant, incomprehensible mess.

My “dream” (I say that very lightly) was to marry someone with a shorter last name, that way, signatures wouldn’t be such a struggle.

Cue Kyle. Kyle’s last name is Berger (he, too, was a victim of middle school jokes). Definitely shorter than Schumacher, but only by four letters.

Kyle and I are going to get married this year, and what was once an easy decision has now become difficult. Do I take his last name? Do I keep my own? Do I keep both?

The hard part is that it doesn’t even feel like my decision to make at times. If we’re speaking in terms of tradition, keeping my last name is basically a slap in the face. A gross power move made by a feminasty. If I take his last name, am I disappointing my fellow feminists? If I keep both…jesus christ, my signature. Schumacher-Berger is really a combo move that nobody asked for.

When I ponder on this, I come to the realization: it is 100% my decision to make. If anyone has an opinion, it’s unwarranted. My name is more than a name—it’s my future. It’s the name that is going to be appear on legal documents; it’s how I will be known to the world.

Yes, legacy sometimes feels like a dumb word. I mean, come on, we’re not in some epic poem, but that’s the word that keeps worming itself back into my mind. Legacy. My name feels like a part of me. A name that ties me to my parents, both of whom I love and don’t ever want to feel disconnected from. I am an only child. I do not have a brother to carry on the legacy of Schumacher.

That’s why I made the decision to mix the old with the new. In 2021, I will become Elizabeth Schumacher-Berger. I get to keep my family while becoming a part of a new one.

It’s funny, because now I’ll have to sign 25 letters.

Hello world, Elizabeth Schumacher-Berger is ready to let out some amplified sighs every time she has to sign something.